Author: sstambaugh18

Now, We see Dr. Dill for Oncology and Dr. Zakhireh for Surgery.

I am not used to this! With my last cancer journey I just had one doctor. Dr. Santoso was my surgical oncologist and I saw him from start to finish. At first, I feel a little nervous about this. Its that whole “Too many chiefs and not enough Indians” thing. I am worried that one is going to want to do one thing and the other has something else in mind. I am overwhelmed.

August 8, 2021-
First up is Dr. Dill. My mom and hubby are at my appointment with me. He comes in and introduces himself to all of us. I cant speak for the rest of my family, but I was ready to get down to business. He asked me how I was feeling and I told him I was actually doing ok but ready to understand all of this and get the ball rolling on putting a plan in place to get this stuff out of me!

He explains the basics about what Ductal Carcinoma is and walks us through the results.

If you remember I had 3 areas Biopsied-

The 11:00 Mass (The large one that I found)
This is the Invasive Ductal Carcinoma Area. (Going forward this will be abbreviated IDC) This means that the cancer cells have formed within the milk duct but has spread to the tissue outside of the duct.
The 2:00 Mass (The area I can not feel that was found during the ultrasound on mammogram day)
This area is Ductal Carcinoma In Situ. (Going forward this will be abbreviated DCIS) This means that the cancer cells are forming inside of the duct but have not spread through out the walls of the duct.
The Lymph Node
This area came back benign with no signs of cancer cells.

So we have some GREAT news and some not so great news. Great that the cancer does not seem to be in my lymphatic system. Good that some of the area that has calcification is still in confined within the duct. But unfortunately there is an area where the cells have broken through the ductile wall and into the outside tissue. He explains that we are going to focus on the IDC Area because it is the most advanced. He explains the Estrogen and Progesterone receptors and tells me that basically tells us what route to take with treatment options. He explains that the Ki67 index for this area is rated at 52.78%. This is a scale from 0-100 that tells us how fast the cancer cells are multiplying. 52% is moderate but faster than he likes. We are going to move on this fast.

He says he wants to do chemo first. I know, Your first thought is “Why aren’t we going to do surgery and get this our first and use chemo for clean up”?!?! He wants to do chemo before removing the invasive mass because he needs to see how the cancer cells respond to the chemo. The cancer cells are shedding little bitty singular cells all the time. These singular cells are completely undetectable on scans and can be anywhere in my body. The mass of cells will be our guide as to what chemo regimen (There are several) my cancer cells are most responsive to. If we start on one and the cells are not responding like he wants, we can see that and change it. This will give us the best chance of the right chemo cleaning up any of those singular cells that has traveled to other places in my body. The way I see it, If we remove the cancer first, when its time to do chemo we will just be guessing and hoping that the chemo regimen we choose is the right one. You can’t treat what you don’t know is there.

I explain that I understand. My family concurs. He looks at me and says

I’m going to make you a really sick gal!

I’m fully aware of this! I’ve done a lot of research. I have seen this sick before. He starts to go into the two different chemo regimens he is thinking of for my plan. One is Taxol and the other is Adriamycin and Cyclophosphamide (AC). The type of chemo can not be decided until the HeR2 Receptor status is decided to be positive or negative. (If you remember from my previous post, the HeR2 status was indeterminate) It has been sent off for what they call the FISH test for final result of positive or negative.

If HeR2 is Negative we will do Taxol for 5 Months (once a week treatments)
If HeR2 is Positive we will do AC for 4.5 Months (Once every other week treatments)

Wow! 5 month… That is a really long time. This is a shock. I am in shock. By the time I am feeling better from one treatment its going to be time for the next one. And we are basically talking half a calendar year. I start to get a little freaked out.

When you know you are going to be sick for this long you start thinking about how to keep your day to day life as normal as possible so that your whole life doesn’t resolve around being sick. You also think about the financial impact for that length of time. So I ask the question “What does being able to work during this time look like?” He explains that most people have only been successful at this with really understanding bosses and that can primarily work from home. CHECK AND CHECK!

For me, working is part of my happy place. My team is important to me. My work matters and helps put food on my teams tables. It is part of my normal.

So we know next step options and we know we are waiting on the FISH test results for HeR2. Because my family and I have agreed to follow the treatment path he has recommended we have some tests we need to do to get ready for chemo.
I have releases I need to sign so that they can start getting chemo approved with insurance.
I need an Echocardiogram scheduled. (To make sure my heart is strong enough for the chemo)
I need an MRI of the Breast scheduled. (To get a better image of the area and for proper staging)
I need to be scheduled for Genetic Testing.
And last but not least…. We need to be scheduled for a Port to placed.

My poor mom starts crying. This part scares her. I tried to ease her mind and explain that this will be there to make things easier for me but I’m not sure how much it helped.

I asked Dr. Dill why I need to see Dr. Zakhireh now if we are not doing surgery for several months. He explains to me that she is part of his team. She is going to help him with a lot of different things throughout this process. She will be the one that inserts my port and many other things. I confess that the multiple doctors at the same time was a little overwhelming. He explains to me that this is not anything that will cause me stress. He said that this is to my benefit because it means that basically we have a whole team of doctors looking at and discussing my case. They meet every Thursday morning as a group and discuss their cases. My picture and case log will go up on the screen and they will discuss how things are going and how to best continue moving forward.

How awesome is THAT! It definitely made me feel better and more important if I’m being honest.

OK! Next up Dr. Zakhireh

Ok! Here we go!

August 30, 2021-
This is where it all begins. This is the first step in finding out what we are dealing with. This is biopsy day.

My whole SQUAD is here. My ROCK of a husband, My SAINT of a mom, My SAFE HAVEN of a dad! I am a little worried the hospital is going to get mad at us for mobbing in with all the COVID protocols. They weren’t! They were so excited and welcoming to the fact that I have such a great support system!

I give all my kisses and hugs and go back with the nurse. I am a little nervous about the fact that they just numb you up for this and you have to be awake. I am red headed and we don’t numb well! (It’s a fact! Look it up) I do have some comfort in the fact that so far everyone at this facility has been great! Patient, calming, assuring. When I voiced my concern about the numbing they hear me and overly express that they will make sure I am numb. Ok… let’s get this done!

They are doing 3 biopsy’s. Two spots in the breast and one lymph node. They explain to me that they will use a different machine for each spot to do the biopsies and remind me that after they have the samples they need they will place the marker clips. They have the markers that have the cancer ribbon printed on them. HORRAY!!! (It’s the little things y’all)

This takes about an hour. They joke that they had used every tool and different dressing they have in their room. They laugh at giving me the full experience. I joke back that if they were to tell my husband this he would not be surprised. Haha

The procedure was not bad at all. I am a little nervous about the soreness over the next few days but I’m going to be good and do everything they tell me to do!

They walk me to the same office that they took me to to tell me I had cancer. And once again… my warrior husband awaits me and greets me with his magical forehead kiss!

The nurse coordinator goes over all of the don’t again with me and hands me these little round gel cold packs! (Little did I know these were going to be my best friends over the next few days) I told her which surgeon and oncologist I want to see before the procedure started and she already had my appointments set with them before we left. Can I just PREACH about how amazing this staff has been to me?!? She explains that my results of the biopsy will be in hopefully by Friday at the latest!

The key for me in this journey is being realistic and logical. You have been told that this looks to be cancer. You know they don’t tell you that if there was really any doubt! But there is still this small part of you that wants to believe and hope that this is going to come back as nothing. That they were wrong. It happens. Not often, but it happens.

So now, we wait…

September 3, 2021-

I have this app called My Chart. This thing is a blessing and a curse! All your appointments, charts, balances and results are in this app! You get a notification every time something is added. I have been anxiously checking my messages all day.

I finally get the notification we have been waiting for! Test results have posted. I have this weird moment of second guessing myself.

Do I want to read these now?
What if it’s bad news?
Do I want to ruin my holiday weekend?
What if I can’t understand?
My appointment with the doctor to review these results is not for 9 days.

So, what do I do? I call that WARRIOR husband of mine. Of course, He totally understands where I am coming from and has similar thoughts. However, It all boils down to this… I know the results are there and not looking at them will be all consuming.

In that moment, I had clarity… I am going to look at them now but I want to be alone. I feel guilty for a minute. This is not just my journey. This is my husbands. I cant open this without him.

I have my phone opened to the my charts app and the test results page is up. All I have to do is click on the results. Do it Samantha! You need to know! And then, my phone screen changes from My Charts to a phone call coming in… It’s Dr. Summit

Let me back track for a minute! (I know, I know… BUT THE RESULTS) Dr Summit. She is my OBGYN Doc. She is the one that found my cervical caner 5 years ago. She was so sweet and gentile when she gave us the news the first time. She assured me that she was sending me to the best oncologist there is with the US for this and I was going to be ok. When I found the mass with my self exam she was the first person I knew I needed. I trust her!

She asked me how I was doing and I explained I was anxious. She started to go over my results with me and her demeanor was just as I remember. Compassionate about giving the news but optimistic.

Invasive Ductal Carcinoma
Estrogen Positive
Progesterone Negative
HeR2 Indeterminate

Well… We have a diagnosis. Now what?

A few weeks before I got the news about my cancer, I made plans with my best friend to go to her families lake house. We had been talking about it all summer and finally had a weekend that would work for everyone.

Little did we know how much we would all need this weekend get away together! So, my best friend lost her mom a year ago to breast cancer. When I got the news it was very hard to tell her. You worry about how it will effect her. What kind of feelings and emotions is this going to bring up for her. We have finally got to a point where we can enjoy talking about her and enjoy memories of her.

She asked me if I wanted to cancel due to getting the news but I declined that offer very quickly! It was just what I needed. Time away. Time to enjoy my friends and family.

What a great decision that was! We had an awesome weekend with just the right amount of relaxation and distraction. We laughed. We cried. We lived.

It was sunshine and lake water.

You have cancer.

Well I this case, we think it’s cancer.
They know! They see this day in and day out. This is what the do. This is what they look at and look for every day.

I have heard those words before. This time, it’s different. This time it’s anger. This time it’s denial. This time it’s personal! This time… it’s Breast Cancer.

When someone tells you you have cancer a lot of different things go through your mind. For me the first time, it was… am I going to die? This time was different. This time there was not a single thought that came to mind. It was a flood of things.

I’m so angry right now!
I don’t want to be sick again!
I don’t want my family to have to go through this again!
People don’t just get cancer over and over again before eventually it wins!
I can’t die from this my son needs me!
I don’t want to loose my breast and I don’t want to loose my hair!

There are two spots. The one I could feel in the 11:00 quadrant and there is a smaller area in the 2:00 quadrant. There is one lymph node that is a little thicker than they would like for it to be.

I hear them. Our next step is that we need to do a biopsy. The biopsy will tell us exactly what it is we are looking at. Tiny marker plates will be inserted in the spots that they biopsy so that in future scans they can know where they have checked! They will numb the area so it’s not going to hurt but I will be sore the next few day. From now until after the procedure I can only take Tylenol. Anything else will thin my blood and we want this injection site to form a good clot. No lifting for the first 24 hours and only 3 lbs. max for the next 48 hours after that! Do you have any questions?

No. I don’t. I’m numb! I ask what the chances are that this biopsy is going to come back and it’s not cancer and she tells us it would be highly unlikely. They just keep apologizing for having to give me this news and trying to advise me to take this one step at a time and try not to get overwhelmed. They do their very best to reassure me and make sure they are giving me the opportunity to ask them anything I’m thinking of. (I am sure they can see the wheels turning in my head)

My sweet husband is holding my hand so tight as I fight back the tears. These sweet nurses are trying to go over this information with me and all I want to do is literally fall to the floor in my husbands lap and sob!

All I want to do is get out of here! I don’t want to ask a million questions! I don’t want to keep going over the next steps! Right now, I just want to get out of here!!!

They schedule the biopsy. Give me a blue pocket folder with biopsy information/instructions…

And a list of surgeons and oncologists.

It all started with social media. I was scrolling through Facebook and saw a post from one of my dearest friends. Her mom was having a Mastectomy and I was in shock! I messaged her immediately and asked for an update and let her know that I was praying hard for them and to continue to keep me updated. The next day, I checked in with her for an update and I got a picture of her mom flipping me off! LOL If you know mom, this is a good sign. It made me chuckle.

I was laying in bed that night and thought to myself…. “It’s been a while since I did a self examination” I know how to do this. I was taught since high school the importance of doing self examinations. We even had a lady come to our FCCLA class with examples of breast with and without lumps and we had to examine them and tell her which ones were clear and which ones weren’t.

In doing a self exam that night, I found a lump. I thought to myself and remember even saying out loud

I have been drinking a lot of caffeine. It’s probably just a cyst

I pointed it out to my husband (because we share everything) and promised to get it looked at but reassured him that these things are usually nothing to worry about.

This is something that I have found before so I was not too concerned. I would say about 10 years ago, I found a mass and had a diagnostic mammogram. It came back clear and there was nothing to worry about. Because of the last time, I knew that I was going to need a diagnostic mammogram again this time so I called and made an appointment with my Gynecologist. Her office does Mammograms so I was thinking efficiency.

August 20, 2021-
At my appointment with her, she confirmed that she felt the lump as well (not surprising) and we were going to need to order a diagnostic mammogram. Right on Que!!!!
She told me not to be surprised if they want to biopsy it and walked me to the front desk and asked the clerk to get me scheduled as soon as possible. She rubbed my back and smiled at me and said they will get the results to her and her office will be in touch.

I was good with this (I guess mostly because it was what I was expecting) and left with my mammogram scheduled for the next week. Of course on my way home I called and updated both my mom and my husband. The more I recapped it, I started to get an uneasy feeling. I knew after all this doctors mannerisms after she found my cervical cancer.
She walked me to the nurses station herself and made sure that I got an appointment ASAP. When I was asking her about needing to make a follow up appointment for the results it was the way she danced around it and didn’t schedule one. Why did I need an appointment ASAP if its probably nothing? It was the pat on my back. It felt like sympathy.
My mom tried to reassure me that she is probably just taking extra care of me because we have a history together with this type of thing and my husband was just reminding me that reading between the lines like that is counterproductive. They are both right. One step at a time.

August 25, 2021-
Diagnostic Mammogram. My husband goes with me. If I remember correctly, they give you results right then and we get results for anything like this together.

I fill out all of my paperwork and taken back to get changed. This is the point Justin and I split ways (COVID). I send him a cute picture of me in my pink gown & face mask and we flit while I wait. (Nothing new!)

I get called back to complete my mammogram. They mark the area where the lump is with a sticker and they squish my boobs and take some pictures. Once we are done, the nurse cleared with the radiologist that they have what they need and she comes back in and let me know that they want to do an ultrasound of the area. I am not surprised or too alarmed at this point. This seems like a normal process and my prev. doctor already had me prepared for them wanting to schedule a biopsy.

I get put in the waiting room. Update my husband. Flirt some more. They call me back for the ultrasound. She starts with my right breast. I have very dense tissue and there are cyst that she documents in every quadrant. This seems to take an hour and I’m probably not that far off. The cyst look like little black holes. This is because they are full of fluid. She switches the machine from non-radiant to radiant and its all good. No colors show up. Now, on to the left one. She puts the wand on the 11:00 quadrant, right over the lump that I felt and a tear roles down my face. I knew after watching her record cysts for almost an hour on the right side that what we were seeing was NOT the same thing. She takes several pictures, tells me that the radiologist will probably want to come in and go over with me the findings in both breast.
She tells me to sit tight while she gets the radiologist and leaves the room. She comes right back in and tells me that she wants me to get dressed and she will walk me to where the nurse is so she can go over the results with me. She closes the door. I pick my phone up and send a text to my husband.

I don’t feel good about this.

So, I started the set up of this blog back in December of 2019!
I figured I could either delete that entry and just start it over or keep it and build off of it.

As you can see, I decided to leave it and build off of it. I made this decision because… well I mean, did 2020 ever really exist anyways?

I find my frame of mind and goals in that post refreshing. My reasoning for picking my blog back up has changed. However, my prayer is to get back to that original goal. Blogging about everything! Posts that reflect things that I am going through, life experiences, foods that I am enjoying, even products that I am enjoying!

Back in 2019 I wrote

I want every blog post to be a blank canvas because if I have learned ANYTHING in my life, I have learned that you never know what is going to happen from day to day and what may inspire you to write

I am now 34 years young. I am still a wife. A Mother. A Boss.

I have now been married to my wonderful husband for 4 years! (YES, I still promise to throw in a post all about this blessing of a man and our love story)
My son is now 14 going on 30 and my daughter is now 13 going on 20. (Need I say more?!?!?)

In regards to my SURVIVOR status, I am proud to say that I made it to the 5 year mark of being cancer free from cervical cancer. Using the word “remission” is a great feeling.
A feeling that I am holding on to. A feeling that I am making a new personal goal to feel again.

Unfortunately, this means exactly what you are probably thinking. I have received the devastating news that I am no longer cancer free.
This is not a re-occurrence of the cervical cancer. This is Breast Cancer. This is scary.

This is the reason for the direction of my blog and blog post changing. With my last journey, I found writing about the process was therapeutic. I also found it to be the bet way to keep everyone updated. (I have quite the SQUAD)
Last time I used the Caring Bridge Platform. I really liked it, but the idea of my caring bridge showing active again just seemed gloomy! So for now, I dedicate my blog to my new journey.

I promise to be honest, vulnerable and to most importantly….

My Name is Samantha Stambaugh and this is my blog.

Wheew! That was easy.
I have always wanted to have a blog. blog about? EVERYTHING OF COURSE!
I dont want my blog to be about any one particular thing. I want my posts to reflect things that I am going through, life experiences, foods that I am enjoying, even products that I am enjoying! I want every blog post to be a blank canvas because if I have learned ANYTHING in my life, I have learned that you never know what is going to happen from day to day and what may inspire you to write.

I know at the beginning of this, The only people that may read this is close friends or family. My hope is that I will have something worth sharing outside of my circle at some point. Something that can make a difference. This is a little bit about me.

I am 32 years YOUNG! I am a wife. I am a mother. I am a cancer survivor.
I work full time ANNNND I have a new found love for YOGA!

I have been married to my husband for three years as of February 18th of 2020. (Don’t worry, there will be a whole post dedicated to this amazing man and our love story!)

I have been a mother even longer! My son is 13 years old and my husband brought my soon to be 12 year old daughter into my life. These three are my whole world.

I am a cancer survivor. (There will be a long post about this journey as well!) Cervical Cancer. February 16th of 2020, I will be cancer free for 5 years. This will mean that I can finally say I am in Remission!!! So blessed.