You have cancer.
Well I this case, we think it’s cancer.
They know! They see this day in and day out. This is what the do. This is what they look at and look for every day.
I have heard those words before. This time, it’s different. This time it’s anger. This time it’s denial. This time it’s personal! This time… it’s Breast Cancer.
When someone tells you you have cancer a lot of different things go through your mind. For me the first time, it was… am I going to die? This time was different. This time there was not a single thought that came to mind. It was a flood of things.
I’m so angry right now!
I don’t want to be sick again!
I don’t want my family to have to go through this again!
People don’t just get cancer over and over again before eventually it wins!
I can’t die from this my son needs me!
I don’t want to loose my breast and I don’t want to loose my hair!
There are two spots. The one I could feel in the 11:00 quadrant and there is a smaller area in the 2:00 quadrant. There is one lymph node that is a little thicker than they would like for it to be.
I hear them. Our next step is that we need to do a biopsy. The biopsy will tell us exactly what it is we are looking at. Tiny marker plates will be inserted in the spots that they biopsy so that in future scans they can know where they have checked! They will numb the area so it’s not going to hurt but I will be sore the next few day. From now until after the procedure I can only take Tylenol. Anything else will thin my blood and we want this injection site to form a good clot. No lifting for the first 24 hours and only 3 lbs. max for the next 48 hours after that! Do you have any questions?
No. I don’t. I’m numb! I ask what the chances are that this biopsy is going to come back and it’s not cancer and she tells us it would be highly unlikely. They just keep apologizing for having to give me this news and trying to advise me to take this one step at a time and try not to get overwhelmed. They do their very best to reassure me and make sure they are giving me the opportunity to ask them anything I’m thinking of. (I am sure they can see the wheels turning in my head)
My sweet husband is holding my hand so tight as I fight back the tears. These sweet nurses are trying to go over this information with me and all I want to do is literally fall to the floor in my husbands lap and sob!
All I want to do is get out of here! I don’t want to ask a million questions! I don’t want to keep going over the next steps! Right now, I just want to get out of here!!!
They schedule the biopsy. Give me a blue pocket folder with biopsy information/instructions…
And a list of surgeons and oncologists.
Mom, Wife, Boss 